"Kirtida" is a registered organization under society registration act 1860 and Mumbai Public trust act.
"Kirtida" is support group for straight spouses from India. When we find about our spouses preferences we were shattered. We also realize that there are very few support systems for Indian Straight Spouse. So we decided to establish support group for straight spouses from India.
We are here for you. We have been through it. That's why we can provide necessary support.
Though we support Indian Straight Spouse this not means that we neglect problems faced by LESBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL, and TRANSGENDER in India. We support LESBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL, and TRANSGENDER to come to their Straight SpousesGo to top
Reach to people who got married to gay/lesbians/bisexuals and help them to come out and talked about their problem.
"How I could not recognize my spouse?" becomes the stigma for a straight spouse. Spending years with LGBTQ partner and not recognizing him/her is very painful and shameful for straight spouse. Many relatives and even some professionals throw the disgraceful question of, how one could not saw it coming.
There is no support for straight spouses especially in countries where same gender marriages are banned. Being straight spouse is a social yet distinctive issue, where every so often family members, friends and even some professionals do not understand the unique issue. Lack of such social awareness and support the straight spouse feel left alone and thus devastated when their spouse come out with different sexual preference.
Feeling of betrayal in straight spouses is same as in any other extramarital affair. Some people argue that same gender attractions should not affect straight spouses however they forget the fact that it's not about gender but it's about dishonest behavior towards spouse.
Many times especially in the countries where same gender marriages are banned LGBTQ spouse try to hide their same gender attractions. Often a "Projection Defense Mechanism" is used by an LGBTQ spouse in response to an accidental discovery of their same sex attraction by their straight spouse; in process they try to convince their straight spouse that it's them who are hiding same gender attraction.
Straight spouses often misconstrue and falsely blame their sexual abilities when they discover their partner attracted to same gender. While being married for a decently long period of 4 to 14 years it becomes quite difficult for a straight spouse to deal with the realization of their partners same sex attraction.
At times in laws and/or parents of a straight spouse pressurize them to hide sexual orientation of LGBTQ spouse. This social pressure makes them helpless as they want to come out of mix orientation marriage however they continue being in the marriage under this social burden. Even after disclosure of an LGBTQ spouse engaged in a same gender relation to their spouse, a straight spouse cannot share this to society due to the fear of sounding crazy, since for society, "Why LGBTQ will marry straight spouse at first place" is an unanswered question.
If an LGBTQ were active before disclosure of their gender identity, their spouse endangers contracting sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV/AIDS which already is a taboo in society. This adds to their existing difficulties dealing with the situation.
After realizing about an LGBTQ spouse, many questions become prominent like, How to share this information with children? How family members and society will treat the child of an LGBTQ parent? Will the children too prefer to be like their LGBTQ parent? Will the LGBTQ parent support child expenses?
The term LGBTQ still lacks the awareness. Due to this lack of awareness many people don't believe in straight spouses. This increases the problems of a straight spouse. Sometimes even the parents do not support the straight spouse due to lack of acquaintance of term LGBTQ. Especially for the straight wives this leaves no option but to stay with their LGBTQ partner.
Since a straight spouse is also part of the same society, the lack of awareness of the subject also applies. This becomes the basis for them not to doubt their partners throughout their marriage life.
Since the word divorce in India still has a taboo attached to it, a straight spouse surrounds with a feeling of guilt when he or she take decision of separation and realize that they are the one who need to initiate.
The divorce proceedings become quite complicated once either of the partners takes the decision. In case of straight spouse initiating the proceedings, it becomes difficult since there are no provisions in IPC (INDIAN Penal Code) defining the terms for mix orientation marriages. On the other hand when an LGBTQ spouse initiates such proceedings, false allegations are made towards their straight spouses.
Since in many cases the divorce concludes in mutual consent, the core reason of divorce does not clearly come out. This makes it difficult for a straight spouse to remarry.Same happens with a straight male spouse as many lesbians are unfortunately not aware of their own sexual preferences and some others prefer to stay in closet.
The most frequently asked question is : "Is there any way to definitely know if my husband is gay before or during the marriage?" There is only one sure way - if the man is honest! Since this rarely happens, following is list of red flags
Remember not all LGBTQA paertner show all above mentioned behavior. Trust your instinct.
Don't expect your partner to tell you truth about their sexuality. Remember they hide it when they marry you then why they will out it now? They will make you think you are crazy, though you got all proofs. They will blame you for marriage failure. They will tell people crazy things about you. But trust on yourself and leave marriage as early as possible. Cause LESBIAN, GAY, BISEAUL, ASEXUAL and TRANSGENDER is not disease so there is no cure for it. You or any medication/therapy cannot change them.
We want to suggest everyone that if you are going to get married please go for total medical checkup from good sexologist/ gynecologist; this will help you to prevent from many future problems.
Many times they suggest only for blood checkups. But you insist for total medical checkup from good sexologist or gynecologist.
Please note that even then the Doctor/counselor can only guess as there is no definite way or test to know the person's sexual orientation. ONLY PERSON HIM/HERSELF can tell you about their sexuality.Go to top
Out of the approximately 13 million MSM in India an estimated 10.4 millions are married. It is not only the inner burden of the societal pressure but also the illegal aspect of the MSM activities that adds to the stigma.
Due to stigma related to gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender many people not come out to their parents. They get married and carry burden of this marriage and unknowingly make their spouse also to suffer with them.The concept of not getting married is alien to most gay men, again for fear of being treated as outcasts. But what they fail to realize is that marriage means much more than just two people spending their lives together.
Sex education classes are awkward and terrible for everyone, but at least get the one chance to learn the fundamental basics of sex. So while classmates are all cracking jokes, LESBIAN,GAY,BISEXUAL,TRANSGENDER teen wonder what to do if you prefers a completely different set.
LESBIAN,GAY,BISEXUAL,TRANSGENDER youth have fewer opportunities to explore social roles and socialize with their peers. Their adulthood becomes more difficult. Further, kids may internalize negative social attitudes; the result may be self-hatred. Their emerging sexuality may be clouded in shame. To cope with stigma, some adolescents learn to conceal their identity, aware of the risk for exposure, which increases isolation.
But we think LESBIAN,GAY,BISEXUAL,TRANSGENDER must come out of closet. And if they are married to straight spouse then they must take responsibility and share it with their straight spouse. Your spouse has all right to know truth.Go to top
(If you belong to LGBTQ community and have courage to say "No" to marriage with Straight spouse then contact us at Kirtida.firstname.lastname@example.org to participate in interview and be role model for young LGBTQ)Go to top
The classification of objects roughly corresponding to the two sexes e.g. masculine and feminine. This classification is genitally based and conventionally termed as one's biological sex. Our notions of gender are based on the western perception that human beings express themselves through either of the two genders.
The sense that one is male or female. It is usually manifested by the age of three or four years and encompasses the cultural expression of gender including, but not limited to, clothing, hairstyle, language and behavior. It is important to recognize that individuals do not always express gender in a manner that is consistent with their biological sex.
Refers to the biological features of a person such as penis, vagina, breasts etc. Sex is determined by a complex relationship of genes, hormones and anatomy. For example, some people have the "male" XY chromosomes, but are born with a female body because they lack a gene needed to make the body respond to testosterone.
Is about sexual feelings (who we are emotionally and sexually attracted to), sexual behaviour (how we express our sexual feelings) and sexual identify (who we say we are to ourselves and others based on our internal beliefs).
Who a person is usually attracted to.
How a person identifies with their sexual orientation.
A person who is emotionally and / or sexually attracted to persons of the opposite gender.
A clinical term first used over a century ago, often used inaccurately, to label people who are emotionally, physically and / or sexually attracted to / or committeed to members of the same gender. Used appropriately, it refers to affectional and / or sexual behaviour between people of the same gender.
One of the most common and most preferred terms for female homosexuals. A woman who is primarily attracted to other women.
A common and acceptable term for male homosexuals. It is often used for both genders, as well as for the gay community in general.
A person who is attracted to people, rather than gender and / or sex. Once viewed primarily as a phase of gay or lesbian development, bisexuality is now regarded as a valid, independent sexual identity.
People who do not perceive of, or present, their gender identity in accordance with their first assigned legal sex, but who do not seek to live as, or identify as, other than the sex to which they were first assigned.
Includes people who live, or desire to live, a large part of their life in the role or dress of the gender opposite to that associated with the legal sex to which they were first assigned. Unlike people with transsexualism (see below), they do not need or desire complete and irreversible sex affirmation treatment nor sex affirmation surgery. Transgendered people may have diverse and fluid sexual identities and many identify as homosexual. The most common forms of transgender expression are transvestism, drag queens and drag kings.
An individual who adopts the dress, and sometimes behaviour, typical of the 'opposite' gender for a variety of reasons including emotional and / or sexual pleasure. Transvestism is often a fetish for heterosexual men. This is not to be confused with Drag, which is a cross-dressing parody performance popular in the queer community.
An person who goes to great lengths to hide their same-sex attraction and who will usually be invested in appearing traditionally "masculine" or "feminine".
A form of human diversity in sexual formation in which an individual experiences her or himself to be of the sex opposite to that indicated by the individual's original sexually differentiated body. This is combined with a compelling need to alter that sexually differentiated body to bring it into better harmony with the individual's innate sexual identity. Transitioning is the process of changing from one gender to another - usually from the gender society thinks a person should be, to the individual's own sense of gender. A person living with transsexualism is said to have affirmed their sex if they seek to live a public life consistent with their innate sex, rather than their first assigned legal sex (generally, biological sex).
People born with reproductive organs, genitalia and / or sex chromosomes that are not exclusively male nor female, or is considered (by the medical establishment and heterosexist society) to be biologically "ambiguous".
A commonly used term to encompass people who identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and intersex. It is preferable to vary the order of the letters.
A term that is inclusive of people who are not heterosexual - includes lesbians, gay men, bisexuals and transgenders. For many GLBT persons, the term 'queer' has negative connotations, however many GLBT persons are now comfortable with the term and have 'reclaimed' it as a symbol of pride.
A symbol celebrating the uniqueness and diversity within the GLBTI community. In 1978, San Francisco artist Gilbert Baker designed a flag for the city's Gay Freedom celebrations. The flag since has since been adopted nationally and internationally. It has six stripes, each a different color, ranging from purple to red, used to symbolise equality and diversity among all people. Sometimes a black stripe is added to the bottom to honour those who have died from AIDS.
In 1969 police raided Stonewall Inn, a working-class gay and lesbian bar in New York's Greenwich Village, which resulted in violent rioting. Most people look to this event (and similar events in San Francisco and other major cities in the days and weeks that followed) as the beginning of the American Gay Liberation movement and all subsequent LGBTI movements around the world. The incident is now known as 'Stonewall'.
This is a common name for celebrations commemerating the Stonewall riots and the gay community in general. In Perth, Gay Pride celebrations usually occur in October with the Pride Parade as the most public celebration.
Being "turned on", generally accompanied by a physical genital response, such as erection and/or lubrication.
A sexual orientation characterized by a persistent lack of sexual attraction to any gender.
The act of revealing one's sexual orientation to others.
Describes a person who keeps their sexual orientation or gender identity a secret from some or all people.
Typically any non-LGBT person who supports and stands up for the rights of LGBT people, though LGBT people can be allies, such as a lesbian who is an ally to a transgender person.
is the state of being sterile and therefore unable to conceive.
is the inability of a man to achieve or maintain an erection.
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